Bashful Bladder and Negative Self-Talk

Perhaps no other phobia can be as affected by our internal monologue as bashful bladder. This phobia, also known as paruresis or shy bladder, is experienced by over 17 million people worldwide, but is still relatively unknown or misunderstood by the general public. Someone who suffers from shy bladder is unable to urinate in certain situations that trigger a stress response. Some people may not be able to go in public restrooms, while others are unable to go with other people around – even in their own homes.

Paruresis typically begins in adolescence, and is usually triggered by a single event. For example, someone who suffers from shy bladder may have found it difficult or impossible to “pee on command” for a drug or medical test. The shame and embarrassment of “failing” this single test can trigger a domino effect of performance anxiety. From that point on, the individual may be so overcome with anxiety about getting it right that his anxiety touches off the sympathetic nervous system. As his heart rate rises and his muscles tighten in anticipation of “fight or flight,” the body’s response may make it impossible for this individual to physically start the act of urination.

Because paruresis is a kind of performance-induced phobia, the inner thoughts of the person who suffers from it can actually do a great deal to either calm the situation or make it worse. In this article, we will discuss the role of negative self-talk in handling paruresis. We’ll also focus on how you can change your inner monologue to create positive self-talk, the kind of inner thoughts that can bring about relaxation, and peace of mind.

Understanding and Identifying Negative Self-Talk Patterns

In a series of blogs written in PsychologyToday.com, a woman named Mary Beth used techniques given to her by life coach Meg to identify and come to grips with the negative self-talk patterns that had taken over her life. In Mary Beth’s case, she was sabotaging her own weight loss efforts. To get the process started, Meg asked Mary Beth to identify the “gremlin” or the trigger that started the negative thought process.

Mary Beth revealed that she would usually feel triggered to overeat and feed into negative self-talk patterns late at night, around 10pm. So if you suffer from paruresis, take a few moments to identify your gremlin – what touches off a litany of negative thoughts in your mind? Does it happen when you are faced with a situation that causes anxiety over using the restroom in public? Once Mary Beth identified her gremlin, Meg had her change her behavior so that she wouldn’t give in to the talk. Rather than hang around watching TV until 10pm, when diet self-sabotage typically occurred, Meg had Mary Beth try sitting in a hot tub instead, or taking a walk out in the yard – activities that pampered her soul and spirit. If you can identify the trigger for your negative self-talk patterns, try to think of ways that you can diffuse the situation.

According to Coach Meg, there are 4 different types of negative self-talk:

• Self-Limiting Talk – this means setting your own limits on yourself. For example, you might say, “I’ll never be able to overcome shy bladder, so why even try?” You allow yourself to give in to the feeling that you cannot overcome the challenges before you.
• Jumping to Conclusions – when you jump to conclusions, you make irrational predictions about the worst case scenario. For example, you might tell yourself, “If I can’t sit down and pee right away, everyone in the restroom will laugh at me.” But in reality, other people in public restrooms are too absorbed in what they are doing to monitor what other people do.
• Speech Habits – this is the external manifestation of your inner monologue. For example, you might say, “Well, what can you expect of me? I’m an idiot.” In other words, you use speech habits that put yourself down in a jesting way.
• Allowing Others’ Thoughts to Overtake Our Own – this thought pattern is based on adopting the tone of other people in your life and letting it run rampant. For example, you may start thinking, “I really ought to be able to get over this bashful bladder,” or “I really shouldn’t act like such a baby.”

Changing Negative Self-Talk into Positive Self Talk

Now that you know how to identify negative thought patterns, it’s important to understand how they affect your battle against paruresis. You should also learn how you can defeat this kind of negative self-talk. Because paruresis is an anxiety-induced disorder, your thoughts play a major role in how successful you are in overcoming your anxiety. If you allow these negative thoughts free rein, then you will heighten your anxiety, which also heightens the body’s nervous response.

The first step to changing this negative self talk process is to halt it as soon as it begins. Otherwise, if you allow the thoughts to keep flowing, you will feed into your anxious state. There are three easy ways to put an immediate halt to the flood of negative thoughts:

• Snap a rubber band – wear a rubber band around your wrist throughout the day. When you think something negative, gently snap the rubber band. The small pain you feel will give your thought a consequence – one you will work to avoid in the future.
• Journal it out – carry a small journal with you and as you start thinking negative thoughts, write them down; write down the circumstances as well. This will give you a tool for figuring out which situations can trigger the negative thought process.
• Stop Your Thoughts – when you begin the negative self-talk, shut it down by saying “Stop.” Saying this simple word aloud is not only powerful, it also makes you very aware of how many times you have to shut off a negative thought process per day.

Once you have halted the negative flow of words, it’s time to change your internal script to more positive – or at least neutral – words. Here are as few techniques for doing just that:

• Use milder words—instead of saying, “I hate using public restrooms! It’s impossible!” you can use milder words such as, “I dislike public restrooms. The lack of privacy is distressing.” Powerful words carry a much more intense emotional punch, so by using milder terms, you can try to neutralize your feelings.
• Change negatives to positives – by changing your negative assumptions to neutral or even positive ones, you can help turn off the cycle of defeatist thinking. For example, instead of thinking, “everyone will notice if I can’t go to the restroom,” you could say, “I bet no one will notice I’m in the restroom.”
• Change your limits to questions – if you are prone to self-limiting talk, you could change your limits to questions. For example, instead of saying, “There’s no way I could use the restroom at work,” you could say, “How can I learn to use the restroom at work?” Limits keep you from seeking solutions, but questions make you stop and find an answer to your problems.

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